This week. (12.03)

Finnish forest jesus.

I was on a train with my friend. And then forest jesus started talking to us. He sayed that he loves Estonian women, and Estonian women are cheep. I was like... wtf. Fucking forest jesus. He should go to North-Tallinn say shit like that there. Things like that would get him beaten up, or even worse.

Well lately things have been shity... Just shit happens to me. Like my sim-card being fuckface and now I can't use mine phone, until I get a new one. Just little things like that piss me off. Fuck my life. I should go to sleep. I have to wake up in 3 hours. What i wrong with me? Today some old granny on the train, sayed I have pretty eyes. Things like that are so sweet and nice. More effective than a random pervs "compliments".

I been trying to write something for 2 days now. I just end up saying something stupid or offensive.


What will I do when I start loosing myself. I don´t want to chance, but its all ready at this point. I feel guilty for forgetting you. I want to stay like this forever and think of you. But more and more Its hard to find time to be missing you.I have always had thing for people who are not good for me.

This week. (27.02)

people have said that I am rude, it's not true. I just speak my mind. I really hate when people say I am quiet, or even worse shy... Sooo not none of these things!

I want to be forever... No I need to be forever.

lately I been thinking about things I regret... There are very many things I regret doing and not doing... Not saying yes to opportunities and so on. and ofc letting things turn in to shit, and then throwing that shit at you. I have come to understand that I am not really open to new things. every thing new is always forced on me. And letting you as I know go, was the hardest fucking thing I had to do. I wish I woudn´t have wasted my time in my own lalalaland. I really have not changed, I just have lost most of me. People keep telling me that I look 16, I guess I still am 16 and so not over you... Well that would be nice, but I am 19 and over. I don´t even know who I am, even less what I want. I think I lied when I said I don´t need air to live. I need wind and I prefer it with fresh air. I am sooo desperate to be a happy person, i need happy pills. Just kidding, I just need to stop myself from thinking this kind of shit. Nobody gives a shit about my silly thoughts and this strange post entry.

I wish time would stop. why can´t I be 19 foreva.

When you are feeling low...

Do you know the feeling, when you remember something you don´t want to remember? I try to keep me from remembering. I am happy, that´s what I say to myself every fucking day. When I am unhappy, I start thinking about you. I don´t know why, could be that it comforts me? I think so... So I like to be happy and definitely not thinking about you. And "YOU" is only a way to keep me living my life fucking amazing.

Partying bunny.

dining in my bed.

Nuppu is winking at me.

I have had very busy week. Monday I will have a "iso koe", it means I will have a big test. I really hate that trains are almost every day late, going to school sucks. Its so fucking cold in the mornings.